


Welcome to the Jounin Apartment Block (We're All Crazy Here)

by Aviss



Series: Stories from the ANBU block [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 02:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviss/pseuds/Aviss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just Iruka's luck that he's been relocated to the ANBU block, even if it's just for the couple of months until they can find him a new place. He's not staying. Nevermind what his crazy new neighbour says. He's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to the Jounin Apartment Block (We're All Crazy Here)

**Author's Note:**

> First one in what I hope will become a series of related one-shots. So far is gen, but I intend to make it Kakashi/Iruka.

 

**Welcome to the Jounin Apartment Block (We're All Crazy Here)**

 

"I don't think it's a good idea, Sandaime-sama," Iruka said for the fifth time since the Hokage had informed him where they were going, though he knew it wasn't going to change anything. That didn't stop him from hoping the Hokage's answer would be different this time.

It wasn't.

"There's nowhere else." The Sandaime sounded really apologetic, and Iruka nodded silently and let the subject drop.

It had been just his luck that his entire apartment block had gone up in flames the day before; Iruka knew he should be grateful there had been no victims, and that the Council had been able to find him new lodgings so quickly, but it was very hard to see anything positive when all his worldly possessions had been reduced to ashes, and he had been sent to the last place anyone with half a brain would ever want to live in.

The apartment block looked very similar to Iruka's old one, as most of the Council Housing Konoha provided for active duty shinobi did. It was a bit more run down and considerably less singed, but it was the same four storey structure: grey, compact and solid, with lots of ample windows facing the street and being used as alternative doors by the tenants.

The flat in the inside wasn't much different either. It was on the third floor, right at the end of the corridor. There were six doors on the floor, and a staircase on the other end. There were no names on the doors, not that Iruka was expecting to see any, just a single number identifying them. And there was the hum of very strong chakra emanating from most of them. Even the distribution inside was similar; a decently sized living room, a kitchen with all the appliances anyone would need and a huge window most shinobi loved, a bedroom with enough space for a double bed and a wardrobe, and a tiny bathroom with a shower. Everything was furnished and looked, if not entirely new, at least not badly abused. It wasn't the flat Iruka was complaining about.

"It's just until the Chuunin C block is completed," the Hokage said before Iruka could voice another objection. "Just a couple of months, Iruka. It can't be so terrible."

It could, if one paid attention to the rumours. It was said that the only people who could stand living in that block were insane, and it had the highest ratio of people moving in and out of all Konoha. They called it the ANBU block, though it wasn't confirmed whether any ANBU actually lived there, because you just had to be crazy to want in.

"Am I the only one relocated here?" Iruka asked, dropping the bag with his meagre possessions on the couch. He had just a couple of uniforms he had purchased that same morning and a few toiletries. Everything else, he needed to get.

"Yes, you're the only chuunin here," the Sandaime said, answering the unvoiced question. "But don't worry, you probably won't even meet your neighbours. And besides, they have their own flats, it's not as if you're going to live with them."

The words failed to reassure Iruka as much as the Hokage probably intended, but he just nodded again and thanked him. He really should consider himself lucky that he didn't have to impose on anyone again; everything else, he'd deal with.

He left the flat a few minutes after the Hokage, making a list in his head of things he needed to get. Iruka could feel his neighbours' chakra tingling against his skin as he walked out, reminding him he was going to need to set his own wards.

He had almost decided which set of traps and wards he was going to use by the time he returned, his hands full of groceries and some other necessities. It was almost lunch time, and he made himself something quick to eat. The afternoon went fast, getting everything in place and setting the wards. The hum of his own chakra surrounded him for a moment before it dispersed, not as strong as the other ones, but enough to keep his flat safe.

It was getting late, and Iruka decided to take a shower before having the rest of the food he had already made for dinner. He was supposed to start at the Academy in a week, and he had many things he needed to prepare before that. And losing everything and moving houses was stressful enough as it was.

He was thinking about going to bed early when he entered his kitchen, and froze at the sight of the man already standing in it. His wards had not been breached but skilfully bypassed; nothing had been triggered, and the only warning Iruka got before he saw him was a friendly voice saying, "This is really good!"

Iruka didn't take the time to properly look at the intruder before he attacked, years of training hardwired into his body. He dropped low on the floor, uncaring of the way his yukata parted almost obscenely as he grabbed the shuriken he had tapped to the side of the fridge. He released them quickly, aiming straight at the stranger, and rolled to the other side of the kitchen to get to his kunai.

"Woah, easy there!" the man said, deflecting them almost carelessly with his glove guard, the sound of metal colliding too loud in the room. "I'm not a threat!"

Iruka ignored him, finding his footing before launching his next attack. The man sidestepped him quickly, holding onto the plate of food he had in one hand while parrying a high kick with the other. Iruka vaulted back, narrowly avoiding the wall in his small kitchen as the man deposited the food on top of the counter. Before he could attack again his feet were swept from under him, and he found himself pinned to the floor by the man.

He took a moment to look at him then as he regrouped for his next move. The first thing he noticed was the uniform and Konoha hitai-ate, and the fight suddenly went out of him. _A Konoha jounin_.

Iruka had the feeling he had just met one of his neighbours.

"Umm," the man said, his voice sheepish though he didn't relax his grip on Iruka. "This could have gone better."

"You think?" he snapped, remembering all the reasons he hadn't wanted to move in there in the first place.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot," the man said easily, still holding Iruka down though his grip eased marginally. Iruka glared up at him, silent, until he was released.

The man stood up and took a step back, taking a long look at Iruka's body. He didn't want to know the image he was presenting, on his back on the floor, his new yukata opened and revealing more than he usually showed anyone, at least without dinner first, his face flushed in anger. Iruka took the chance to look the man in return; he was tall and whipcord thin, a shock of white hair defying gravity and the laws of reason, his face almost completely obscured by a black mask. The only thing Iruka could see was one dark eye under a pale eyebrow regarding him with interest and amusement.

"You mind?" he said coldly, glaring at him, and the stranger took a few more steps back, allowing him to stand up from his undignified position on the floor.

"I'm your next door neighbour, I was just stopping by to introduce myself," the man began, still looking at Iruka with that infuriating expression. "But I got distracted by your food. Please tell me you're not a jounin, don't be higher than tokubetsu-jounin, _please_."

Iruka blinked at that, the sharp retort he had on his tongue derailed by the non-sequitur. "I'm a chuunin," he replied automatically, used to say his rank when asked.

The man's face lit up at that. "A chuunin? With that level of warding?"

"It didn't seem to deter you." He didn't know if he should feel offended or not at the awe on the voice of his neighbour, who hadn't yet properly introduced himself, he noted.

"Few things do." It was a statement, delivered as such with confidence and not a single hint of gloating. "But we were very lucky with you, a chuunin!" the man said gleefully, and Iruka felt completely lost, as if he had fallen down the rabbit hole to a universe where conversations didn't make sense.

He shook his head, hoping to clear it and discover that this wasn't happening. No such luck, the man was still inside his new kitchen and staring at him with what Iruka assumed was a smile. "What does--" he started, only to be interrupted again by the man.

"Let me tell you the rules of the floor," he said, and Iruka closed his mouth with a snap. _Rules_? He was going to have a talk with the Sandaime, nobody had told him anything about rules. "Lowest ranked person does the cooking during non-mission periods, and we're lucky we scored you. It used to be Gemma, and after the incident with the soba and the poisoned senbon we've been living on take-out. Gai does laundry when he's here, when not, you can take it to Asuma. He tends to mess the white clothes, but we don't have too many of those, so it doesn't really matter. Anko does shopping, she gets the best prices so anything you need you tell her. And I'm in charge of booze and entertainment. Friday night we have game night at Asuma's, be careful with Gemma, he cheats. Never bet against him. Saturday, unless you're out on a mission or a _date_ ," the way he said that word made clear how likely that event usually was, "we have movie night at my apartment. You have to go to each apartment and get you chakra into the wards, so you can come in at any time. We'll all come here and--"

"Stop!" Iruka finally cut him off, his head spinning at the level of crazy the man had been spouting. "I'm not staying here!"

The man looked at him intently, his brow creasing. "Of course you are."

"No, I'm not," Iruka insisted, crossing his arms over his chest and levelling his most serious glare at the man, the one he had been practising for when the Academy started and he had to reign on the students. The man seemed completely unaffected. "My apartment block burned down, this is only temporary until they can find me a place in the new Chuunin Block."

"That block is a few months from being completed," the man said, and this time he sounded like he was gloating. Iruka wondered what the punishment for murdering his neighbours was, and whether he really could kill this one. " _You'll stay_."

"No I won't."

And those were the worst words he could have uttered. He saw the change in the man's expression, even covered by the mask, saw the spark of interest in his eye, and felt a spike of dread. "I think you will. I like a challenge--" he trailed off looking pointedly at him, and Iruka took his cue to finally introduce himself. Let it not be said he didn't have manners.

"Iruka. Umino Iruka. And I'm not staying."

The man laughed, loud and cheerful. "We'll see," he looked Iruka up and down, and he could feel a blush threatening to take over his face at the appraisal. "I like you. I think you'll fit right in with the rest of us." He looked at the plate of half eaten food that would have been Iruka's dinner, and then at Iruka, a question clear in the arch of his eyebrow.

"You can take it." As long as he left, Iruka was fine with that.

"Thank you," he said, taking the plate from the counter and finally, _finally_ turning to leave. He was at the door when he looked back. "Oh, I almost forgot. I am Hatake Kakashi. _Welcome to the Jounin Apartment Block!_ "

"I'm not staying!" Iruka said out loud, staring at the empty space where his crazy neighbour had been.

His only reply was the silence, and even that felt as if it didn't believe Iruka.

 

…


End file.
